Sunday, July 10, 2011

Long, awkward post on awkward teenagerdom

Teenagers scare the living shit out of me.

It's weird, you know? It didn't really hit me till now. Just this whole, weird process of growing up and saying goodbye to your last little bit of childhood. For a lot of kids, it kind of means losing the person you were to become the person you should be. And I think a lot of people get lost in that. It's a time where you're forced to put aside your playful creativity and replace it with money and work. What makes this part difficult is that I don't want to change. Once, my painting teacher pulled me aside and confronted me about my art. She told me it was a bit childish. All of the playful energy that I had should be morphed into something more mature and deep. In other words, I was in 10th grade and it was about time I started growing up.

I mean, sometimes I think I could be a bit more mature. But in doing so, I'm afraid I'll lose that creative side of mine. It's what keeps me balanced and anchored. If I can keep myself the same I've always been, I won't have to get lost anymore. It seems that everybody is lost somehow, like they need to find themselves. I suppose that's the awkwardness of becoming a teenager and seeing the world a little different. People get lost. Sometimes, they never find themselves. It scares the shit out of me.


1 comment:

  1. Don't worry, growing up takes forever. Im 24 and just starting to feel grown up. I have just this year really started to come to know myself and also to take my creative stuff(mostly writing) in a completely new direction. It's kind of like what you do gets old and then you have a kind of dry spell creatively and then redefine your creative style. of course, it's different for everyone, but yeah. Creatively, just keep doing what feels right to you until it starts feeling wrong. and if it doesn't you're doing it fine. And some of the best artists are those who are young and innocent and exuberant, no matter the age!

    I did this course once where we talked about personality types. C- creative and childish, BC- youthful, creative, not really caring about rules, money, etc, B- caring more about what society wants, conforming, etc. As children we are mostly Cs, then most of us move to BC which is more responsible than C, more open, creative types, Bs are kind of conformist people like people who works in banks etc. (no offence to them) and like to do what people expect of them. and so on, up to As. I am a BC, and I'm gonna stay that way. You don't have to change completely as you grown up.

    Sorry if this post was too long and wandering and stuff, it is like 2.06 am over here.